270+ Petty Captions for Instagram with Quotes

When you want to share Petty pictures on social media like Instagram. Then you have to keep attention to make your captions smarter than others. Because a smart caption always makes a post standard. That’s why we are here to provide you with the perfect Petty captions for your pictures.

Seeking Petty captions for Instagram? You are knocking on the right door. Here are the vast collections of what you are searching for. You may be out of pictures but we assure you that there will be no lack of captions. Our collection will make your status more engaging.

There is no doubt that you can make your status more expressive that will reflect your views, emotions, and ideas. So don’t miss getting the Petty caption for your next Instagram post. It is just you to find out the most suitable one. Why are you waiting!

Let’s take a look.

Petty Captions for Instagram

Table of Contents

I prefer being myself whatever you say.
One bad chapter doesn’t mean your story is over.

I’ll be seeing you soon…in my nightmares!
I don’t know why everyone thinks we broke up, my dog is still madly in love with me.
I don’t care if you don’t like me coz I ain’t sure that you like yourself too.

If you want to make things right with me, I’ll be under the mistletoe in five minutes. #getyourassoverhere
Blood type: matte black with a hint of gold.
Life isn’t perfect. But my Hair is!

It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt. Then it’s hilarious!
Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful, hate me because your boyfriend thinks so too!
I think that is why they call them ‘happy’ memories instead of ‘perfect’ memories.

wish we didn’t break up so we could still be friends?
I have a long list of exes and the reason it’s so short is because I’m always adding to it.
I’m not ignoring you; I just can’t hear anything past my own thoughts.

Reality is just intangible, what we do not believe is something that we cannot see.
Be passionate. Be positive. Be attractive.The only time success comes before work is in the dictionary.
It was a dark and stormy night…and then I took out the trash.

My dentist told me that my teeth are just as white as anyone else’s and I believed her until now!
Some people say I don’t think before I speak…but they can never understand my genius because they aren’t as smart as me.
My hobbies include: doing my makeup and taking selfies…I’m such a lady!

Ah, a perfectly captured selfie!
The only thing worse than loving an ex is hating them too much to delete their number.
Did I do that pose right or am I just being awkward?

It’s a sad day when the only person who cares enough to send a text message is my dog.
Nobody can stand up for you if you don’t stand up for yourself first!
I wouldn’t chase you because I’m the catch.

I tried to let go, but now I know that wasn’t your fault; it was always me.
If you were a fruit, you’d be the perfect blend.
That’s okay! You can take the picture and I’ll just Photoshop myself in later.Didn’t I see your face on an episode of Cops?

I Hate When We Fight
Always believe in yourself. But I’ll believe in myself.
Dime piece.A selfie a day keeps the doctor away!

This is my moment I just feel so alive.
I just filed for divorce…and got an apartment!
I’m not saying I want you back, but I’m definitely plotting your demise.

My ex-boyfriend just asked me to get back together with him…I’m thinking yes!
don’t miss you, I just miss things being easier.
I was born with my eyes closed…maybe that’s why they are always shut.

I know I’m lucky that I’m so cute.
I feel so blessed to have the opportunity of being a blessing.
Know your worth!

You’re only young once but you can always be immature!Proof that I can do selfies better than you.
I’m not trying to be funny, but it’s kinda hard when you’re this cute!
She has fire in her soul and grace in her heart.

Don’t hate me because your ex is ugly.
Life Goes on.
Real men don’t take selfies.

My last name doesn’t start with an A so yeah
Born to stand out with selfies.
Don’t trust people with two first names because they’ll always be someone else in your life too.

Petty Quotes for Instagram

Don’t stop me now!
Your intelligence is my common sense.
Find me where the wild things are.

At least now the only person I have to fight over is myself.
He was a jerk anyway.
Life goes on, with or without you.

Confidence level: selfie with no filter.
When your mom says you can’t dye your hair orange because it doesn’t look good on redheads but then she does it herself.
When a monkey put on makeup. It still the same monkey.

You’re not sorry, you just hate losing.
I’m the truth, so hold your lies.
So, don’t blame me for my attitude.

You’re not getting older, you’re just turning into me!Confuse them with your silence & amaze them with your actions
Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful.
Don’t check for me unless you have a check for me.

If looks could kill, it would be illegal to call me cute right now.
I’ll always remember how you broke my heart…and smile about it!
I don’t work for the money, I make the money work for me.

I don’t need a relationship, I just want to make you jealous!
I might look like a mess, but at least my outfit is on point!
I looked up adorable in the dictionary and it said, see me.

I’m not a doctor, but I am pretty sure that’s herpes on your lip.
They say laughter is the best medicine. That’s why my doctor gives me a new prescription every month!
I’m sorry; I didn’t realize the mirror was in selfie mode.

Sending my photo to NASA ’cause I’m a star
Don’t worry about falling in love with someone else; just focus on falling in like with yourself!
Don’t count the days, make the days count.

Is this what love means?
When they say don’t cry over spilled milk, I’m really wondering why I can’t. #seriouslywtf
My life is better now that you’re not in it!

I was going to make a joke but then something terrible happened and I forgot what it was!
Selfie, selfie, on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?
The other day I was thinking about what makes me happy…then I thought, I know!

I don’t care about your opinion… #YourFaceSucks
I’ll be attending your funeral for free because that’s what you get when you just disappear on me.
People take 300 selfies just to post one. This is the only one I took.

If I had one wish it would be for more wishes to come true.
I don’t have a drinking problem…I drink, I get drunk. No problem!
When you want Cinderella’s dress but all they have is ‘Ariel’ in your size!

I’m not even mad that you’re gone, I just don’t like the idea of someone else having your attention.
I did your laundry…minus the clothes of course!
It’s weird how I never see him anymore…

Tell me not to do something, I’ll do it twice and take a picture.
If you don’t like my outfit, then why are you posting the photo?
You don’t need a king to be a queen.Be free.

My favorite part about this selfie is the invisible crown.
The same ol’ me, just a little bit more fabulous.
My new bae is better than an old flame any day!

If you’re gonna act like an ex then I’m going to treat you like one.
I’ll never feel what I felt for you ever again…and it feels great!

Petty Hashtags for Instagram

Life happens, coffee helps.

There are only two people in life you should trust: one is you and the other isn’t me!
If this doesn’t make me Insta famous nothing will.
I had a drink the other day…and then I decided to have another one.

Life Goes on.Be passionate. Be positive. Be attractive.
I’m sorry I’m such a bitch, I must have gotten my period at the wrong time of day again.
I’d say ‘welcome back, but you were never really gone.

Selfie on fleek.
Hate me till you’re tired. So you won’t hate me anymore.
Queens do not compete with hoes.

These are the days we live for.
If you’re honestly happy, fuck what other people think.
Single and ready to mingle…which apparently means going out with my cat every night.

Can you please stop trying to take my picture?
I, for one, am shocked that this selfie didn’t get more likes…shocked!
I think my third eye is telling me to delete this photo.

Let the waves crash and the sun is set and the boy leave
I have now come to the realization, I deserve more than you.
Life is better when you’re laughing.

He couldn’t handle me on my worst day, so he must really hate me now.
I’ll never be as good at it as I was with you.
Focus on success. Not gossiping.

Stop acting like you’re my friend and actually be there for me!
If you want to be my friend, first you have to get on your knees…
Let’s just be who we are.

You’ll always be my second choice…but it’s probably for the best since you were never even a first pick.
My mom is going to kill me if she sees this photo. -said no one ever
I am trying to kill you inside of me, so I can live.

I’m always honest coz I don’t care someone hating me.
If you don’t follow me on Instagram then you must hate puppies and kittens because I post about them all the time!
Believe in yourself, God has sent you on earth for some special task.

I’m literally thinking since 5 mins for a caption and this is it
Warning: U may fall in love with my face.
There’s no such thing as exes…just people who haven’t gotten over each other yet.

Just because we’re not a thing, doesn’t mean that your opinion isn’t invalidated.
This is proof that I can do selfies better than you.
You can’t spell ex without ‘me.’

You can call me queen bee.
I’m sunshine mixed with a little hurricane ☉
Never mistake my kindness for weakness.

I’m not having fun at the party without you…in fact, it’s quite boring!
We broke up because I said, I don’t love you anymore. He told me to go screw myself…so I did!
Don’t mind my grassy knoll, it’s just here for dramatic effect.

I´m sexy, and I know it!
No guts, no story.Be free.
Start loving yourself before you want someone to love you. Take care of yourself before you want to be taken care of

The lion doesn’t turn when a small dog barks.
You’re never going to have me.Can you see the – f*ck you – in my smile?
I gotta stop giving CPR to dead situations.

I’m only wearing sunglasses so you can’t see I’ve been crying.

Petty Bio for Instagram

I think Bigfoot is real…and he has a girlfriend and she looks just like me.
I don’t think that outfit is flattering…and also, it makes me sad inside.

I’m parting way with you and keeping my friends, thank you very much.
Why can’t you feel the same towards me?
I don’t care if you hate my selfies; I’m the one that has to look at them when I get home!
Always prove them wrong.
Life’s too short for bad relationships…and almost as short for doing dishes!
I have more issues than vogue.
When you can’t find the sunshine, be the sunshine.
When I fell for you, all of my common sense disappeared.
Blame it on my cold heart.
If all exes looked like you then I would never leave my house.
This is what makes me keep going!!
Sore today. Strong tomorrow.
Yes the problem isn’t you. Its your thinking.
So, take it back all of this bullshit that you gave me.
My main goal for this year is to make your life miserable because clearly, I’m obsessed with you.
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.
I don’t think those shoes go with that outfit at all! #noshoesmatchtheoutfit
After me, they broke the mold.
I promise, my eyes aren’t always this red… it’s just mascara tears after watching The Notebook. Again.
If you’re nice to me, I’ll be mean to you.
Feeling down? Just do what I did; take some pictures of yourself in the mirror and post them on social media.
I have nothing to say…so I’ll just stare at you creepily!
I’m not clumsy, I just have a lot of magic in my hands.
Your Priorities Decides Your Attitude!!
I don’t compete for a spot, I am the spot.
Not everybody has to like me. I can’t force you to have good taste.
Don’t forget to be Awesome.
The only way you’ll win is if I quit.
This is where your IQ drops 100 points…watch out!
If you’re going to be a hater, I hope you have the money for my lawyer.
I’d rather have my ex’s arms around me than your face in front of me.
Break up
I’m going to delete this photo as soon as I figure out how.
If you think I am the problem, you are the problem creator.
It’s so difficult
I used to think that the worst thing in life would be to end up all alone until they invented mirrors!
I live my life in fast forward, but they haters wanna rewind me.
You’re like a fart; I can smell you when you leave but never see where you went.
A selfie is worth a thousand words.
I’m here. That’s the miracle I’ve been looking for.
There comes an age where u realize smile is all you needed, to live happily! And that’s I gotta this life!
I don’t always lose weight by running away from cookies…but when I do, it works.
I’m more famous than you. So, b*tch please don’t hallucinate.
Less friends. Less bullshit.
I don’t have to be famous to be successful.
Turn ya savage up and lose ya feelings.
Too bad you can’t photoshop an ugly personality!
Someone needs to invent glasses for blind people with cats in them!

Petty Puns for Instagram

Cinderella never asked for a prince.
My ex is about as useful as one of those little umbrellas in your drink!
There’s always a wild side to an innocent face.
I’m not a bad driver, I just lack good judgement.
My fairy godmother told me I would go to the ball, and now here I am!
I’m not fabulous. I’m simple.
Nope, nothing is wrong with me except your face. Lol…just kidding
I think this is a really mean picture of me…but can we still be friends?
Your ex is my next profile pic
Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass…it’s about learning how to dance in it.
Fight or fuck*ng die. It’s really simple. Why do people make life so complex?
This is how to become a heart breaker.
I’m sorry I exist, here, a selfie.
Every ex has a story and mine is ridiculously tragic.
Take me as I am, or watch me as I go.
Life’s a beach and then you tan…I’m golden brown. #blessed
I’m not short, I’m concentrated greatness!
You mean I have to leave the house when that’s my good side?
It’s been a rough day…I even got mistaken for an ATM this morning.
I don’t care if I have to fake smile all day, at least it’s getting me Instagram likes.
Stop talking abut people. Talk about things.
Namastay in bed.
If I hear one more joke about how ugly my shoes are…I swear to god!
I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
Never say never, because I just might run into your ass at the store one day!
Some people are just so f*cking fake
I don’t mind being underrated by someone who doesn’t know me well.
I’m not here to make friends.
You were my last first kiss.
I don’t dress smart to impress you.
Don’t worry about it…we’re over for a good reason
Fools talk about others.
I don’t worry. I don’t doubt it. I’m daring. I’m a rebel.
My heart only breaks for you
If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.
I don’t need a relationship; I just want to make you jealous.
I’m not passing you a tissue. Get your own!
Just because I don’t use words doesn’t mean my vocabulary sucks.
If you were a booger I would pick you first.
It’s Mission Impossible
I am not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens!
I am Mine before anyone else.
Getting a hug from the right person at the right time feels like heaven!
I’m not saying this is my best selfie ever…but yeah it’s my BEST selfie EVER!!!
A bad attitude will get you everywhere…just not into my car!
Sorry, I need to put my makeup on before we take this picture.
I don’t miss you…in fact, I’ve been meaning to thank my cat for eating your dog!
I’m a vibe that no one else can replace.
Life is too short for fake friends and real enemies! #byehaters
Proof that I can do selfies better than you.

Petty Captions for Selfies

Do you think my eyes are glowing in this photo? #illuminati
Love your haters – they’re your biggest fans.
Yes the problem isn’t you. Its your thinking.Fake friends are like penny coins. They are worthless and have two faces.
I’m so tired of being tired. So now I don’t care.
It’s not that you need be in your limits, it means you must flow with control.
You don’t need a king to be a queen.
Just relax
Not sure which is more annoying, the sound of crying or his face?
You can’t afford my Swag Bitch! #selfie
Who needs friends when you have Instagram?
The reason you don’t see my intelligence is the same reason you don’t see my underwear.
No revenge is the best revenge.
I saw this shade of lipstick on Pinterest and it was gorgeous…until my dog licked me. #sadtimes
Oh wow, a selfie.
I was just looking at my phone and then suddenly the sky became dark.
Be brave. Make them curious.
People hate you because of the way that other people love you.
No one to blame but myself
I’m not sure if I should ask you to be my friend or buy this for $20.
Dime piece.

Conclusion

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